In Memory Of My Father
My father (papa), Dharam Chand Chawla, passed away on April 30th, 2021. He was 77 years old. I want the time to stop but it turns out that no matter how you are feeling, time does not stop. Papa lived up to his name, Dharam Chand, which means someone who exemplifies the right (Hindu) way of living. He dedicated his life to his family, religion, and society. Papa profoundly influenced my thinking and gave me the values I live by. Some of things I learned from papa are:
Dharam: Do karma (take actions) to fulfill your dharam/dharma (~duty). Don’t think about likes or dislikes. He was making sacrifices on a daily basis to do what is best for his family and in his whole life he did not complain once.
Family: There is nothing more joyful than being in a happy family. He adored my mom, my sister and me. Everyday, papa worked tirelessly to make us happy. An incident I remember vividly is that he had the habit of reading the Hindi newspaper every morning. When I became a teenager, I developed the same habit but I wanted to read the English newspaper. Without thinking twice, he gave up his years-long habit and we switched to the English newspaper.
When I was showing him my classroom at Stanford and asked him to write a message for students. He wrote:
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| "I love my wife and children" |
Success: Don’t let society define success for you. It is internal. His idea of success was a loving family, good mental & physical health, and contributions to society. He never chased anything material and didn’t care about physical possessions.
Money: Live below your means. Don’t increase your expenses when the income increases. Often, he said that money is a means to an end and not the end in itself. Sometimes, he would ask me why I wanted to make more money.
Community: Contribute to the betterment of the community that you are part of. He helped build the local shiv temple in his neighborhood. He organized the community leaders to influence the local authorities to build and repair the local infrastructure. He is admired in the neighborhood he lived.
Health: Treat your body like a temple. Only eat things which nourish the body. Do not do anything that disturbs the peace of mind. He made sure that there were always fruits in the house for all of us and that we laughed everyday.
Pragmatism: Make decisions and do things that are practical. He was high-minded but he always took action. For example, getting the local temple built and the road repaired despite all the obstructions from government inefficiencies.
Honesty: Be honest with everyone including yourself. He was admired for his honesty among his brothers and sisters, colleagues, friends, and neighbors. The most important thing in a relationship is trust and that comes from honesty.
Curiosity: He was naturally curious about the world. I think my interest in world affairs comes from him. Whenever we travelled to a new country, he would ask the most insightful questions and wanted to try the local things.
Respect for life: He was a vegetarian and taught us that just because you can kill other animals, it does not mean you should. We have to respect all forms of life. What’s the difference between animals and humans if we, humans, eat animals?
Independent mind: He used to say listen to everyone and do what makes sense to you. He married my mom in the seventies against all odds and norms of the time. He supported my studies in the US against all social pressures. He was always ready to fight with the world for my mom, my sister, and me.
My life would be worth living if I become half of a good human being that papa was. May my mom, my sister, and I continue to live by the virtues he taught us. Papa will always be with us in spirit.
May he rest in peace.
